Monday, August 29, 2016

Monday Mortification

Yesterday during the announcements at church I was talking about a new homeless shelter that’s in the works in our community. I asked one of our members where it was located and she said that the Republican headquarters is currently in that space, and that it was near the cemetery. And because my filter is somewhat lacking, I said, “Oh, near the liquor store!” Everyone cracked up. There are three levels of mortification here:

  1. I don’t actually drink, and my mother would be mortified that I know where the liquor store is (especially since I don’t make Kentucky Bourbon Fruitcake like she did – she used to try to sneak into the store at the other end of town so she wouldn’t run into anyone she knew).
  2. It’s pretty darned funny that the Republican headquarters is near the liquor store, but is it in poor taste to mention that in church?
  3. It’s actually not at all funny, and kind of a concern that they’re putting a homeless shelter that close to a liquor store (although we’ve prayed fervently for a shelter for this winter, so I’m just going to be glad that there will be one at all!).

I’m sure my church members wonder what will come out of my mouth next. I wonder that myself sometimes!


  1. And here I thought there was going to be something about the Republican presence 1) preventing the shelter from opening sooner, or 2) having some bearing on the need for a shelter. (who, me? cynical?) Someone with a keener mind could spin this in a devilish way. As for filters on mouths, I've had a banner week myself in that department. Cheers!

  2. I struggled to find the Mortification Factor there also, thinking that you were surely going to blurt out something Politically Ill-Advised Yet Chuckly.

    Which I would have heartily appreciated.

  3. A lot of Republicans may NEED a homeless shelter next year! 😜

  4. I am all for out of work Ohio Republican politicians! Also, it is funny. Our liquor store has changed places several times in the last seven years. Hey, I used to teach Kentucky history...I keep close tabs on where the bourbon is stored...

  5. haha ... sounds totally like something I would do too.
    A good laugh is always needed - especially in church.

  6. I've said so much worse, even in Church.

  7. LOL There's a lot of irony here.

  8. My dear mother enjoyed a whiskey every evening. One drink, never more. She lived in Morganton and was fearful of being seen at the ABC Store so she drove to another town to buy her liquor.

    When we were cleaning out her house after she died, my husband was astonished to find one cabinet filled with empty Jack Daniels bottles. I had a good laugh and told him we would have to take them to the recycle center ourselves rather than leave them for the collector. It was clear that Mom didn't want the garbage collector to know she drank hard liquor.

  9. Hahahaha...I understand your mortification!

    When my youngest son was about three years old, I was going to college and my in-laws, very prim and proper people, were watching him while I was in classes. They took him all over the place in their car while shopping and doing errands.

    He was a cheerful, talkative toddler and one day he pointed at a building, saying, "There's a liquor store." My in-laws were a little surprised, but didn't think anything of it. A few days later, they were out again and he pointed out another building, "There's a liquor store!"


    This happened a few more times, over a few more days, with different liquor stores all over town. So finally, they asked sweet little talkative toddler grandson how he knew all about liquor stores. "I know all about liquor stores because my mom likes to go to liquor stores!"


    So finally, my in-laws mentioned what happened. I didn't even think and cheerfully said, "Oh yeah - they have the best and sturdiest boxes for moving!"

    You see, we were getting ready to move to Buffalo and slowly packing up the contents of our house. I didn't realize the humor of the whole situation until I saw my mother-in-law's relieved expression...

    Sorry...that was a long comment. But yes, I understand. :-)

  10. Here in Ontario, Canada, the liquor stores are difficult to miss and easy to find. The Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO) runs them and they pay their employees very well. They also have very strong boxes for moving. I think because I live in a large metropolis, the Greater Toronto Area, there is less concern about ladies in liquor stores. Having said that, the stores usually have more men in and out of them but is that because the bottles are heavy? I never go in the Beer Store and yet my Dad used to work for the Beer Store. He went to church every Sunday and participated in many groups at church. I enjoy a drink of Baileys at Christmas which means I need to go to the liquor store to get it after church, since there are no men in my life at the current time.

  11. I did laugh at this. Back in the day, that is, back in 1950s Iowa, both Republicans and church-goers knew exactly where the liquor store was, and made their way there as necessary. Trying to think back, I believe it was called "the package store," and in those days, if you wanted a drink at a restaurant or club, you had to take your own bottle with you. No ordering Demon Rum from the bar. I don't remember anyone of my parents' circle over-indulging, except at a party or two, but every summer the neighborhood guys would pull out their lawn chairs about once a month, put them on someone's driveway, and celebrate the arrival of another "Martooni Festival." Good times!


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