It's Not REALLY a Poem, But...

...I'm claiming it for the U.S. for International Put Your Poem in a Shop Month (maybe for half a point?).

We're home from our Christmas travels & ready to enjoy the snow that fell here while we were gone. But there was a dicey moment on our way home...

I know it's REALLY lame, but I was kind of in a hurry...

Go here & here (Titus is on injured reserve, so Ms. Cushions stepped in for her)  to check out other poems & scores :)

Make Merry!

So I was in the holiday gift wrap aisle at the local Walmart...

and I put a poem in a shop!

This is actually our second annual Christmas poem, written by me in 1993. I decided to recycle it for the cause (go here if you can't read the picture).

Go here to Titus' blog to check out the exploits of the other IPYPIASMers.

IPYPIASM!!

It's that time of year again! Yes, it's International Put Your Poem in a Shop Month, hosted this year by Titus. The time when all good poets (and I) venture forth to place poems in shops, because as you know the masses need poetry in their lives during the crazy days of Christmas preparations. And as you'll see below I'm sure my little verses warmed the cockles of their hearts (or at least made them hold their heads to one side & go, "hmm.").

Today I went to two places. First, I was on an urgent mission to get dental floss, so I decided to share a few words of wisdom with other like-minded individuals.

In case you can't read it, the poem says:

Smile at the next

Person you see

And if they tell you

That you have something

               Just there

Between your teeth

Use this floss.

Next I went looking for some yarn for a Christmas present.

Here's the poem:

A needle (or two –

if you are a knitter).

An hour or ten –

you aren’t a quitter!

A scarf, a hat,

a loverly shawl,

mittens & sweaters –

imagine them all

In front of the TV.

On your lunch break at work.

While your children are sleeping.

Till you come to with a jerk.

Everyone you know

is covered head to toe.

Sigh.

Maybe…

Your nephew’s girlfriend’s mother

could use a scarf.

I do believe this puts the U.S. well in the lead in the not-competition. So far. 

IPYPIASM - The End

I just squeaked in under the wire to post this last poem in a shop. Thanks to Niamh for this great festival! You should definitely go to her site so you can check out all the other participants. I think Ireland won the "not" competition this year. I might have to make a concerted effort to get the US higher in the standings next year!

Anyway, I had a gift card burning a hole in my pocket, so I dragged Dr. M to Kohl's this afternoon. Yes, I totally removed the gotcha factor by leaving this in the dressing room. But I signed it, sort of, so there's that little risk.

I didn't buy the sweater - it was HUGE!

Here's the text in case you can't read the picture:


In this mirror

you are a whey faced

pig-eyed crone.

Your thighs are members

of the redwood forest

sisterhood.

Your ass is an

entire mountain range.

This mirror lies.

Repeat after me:

I am beautiful

and I deserve

beautiful things.

I am beautiful

and I deserve

beautiful things.

I am beautiful.

  --The Bug, Bug’s Eye View

IPYPIASM - Well This One Was Boring!

Once again, I participated in the International Put Your Poem In A Shop Month Festival (hosted by the effervescent Niamh at Various Cushions). But this time wasn't quite as exciting as last week's venture. Why there were no mirrors or men in suits, or even any other people at all on my aisle. Oh well, I still enjoy the thought of people seeing that slip of paper on the shelf & going, "what the h%$$?" Without further ado, here is my North American Poem in a Shop contribution for the week.

In case you can't read it, the poem says:

This one's too sweet.
This one's too nasty.
This whole shelf was
written by twelve
year old boys.
I just want a card
for my niece's* ex-husband's
cousin's weimaraner's
doghouse warming.
Is that too much to ask?

*Note: This is a work of fiction. My niece is 9 years old and as such doesn't actually have an ex-husband. Nor do I know anyone with a weimaraner.

IPYPIASM - I Was Nearly Nabbed!

I think I was suspected of nefarious doings in the Walgreens this afternoon, but I got away scot free. (What does that mean anyway – are Scot’s naturally free?) I do believe my penguin boggan was both the source of the suspicion and the dismissal of it. After all, what forty-something  woman in a penguin toboggan would actually be UP to something?

I should have known I was in trouble when I noted that the store has giant tilted mirrors along the back wall so that the employees can keep an eye on customers. Nevertheless I was pleased no one was in my aisle, so I quickly placed the poem & took the pictures.

Then I nonchalantly rounded the corner & two men in suits were heading toward me. “Can we help you find anything ma’am?” “No, I’m fine.” “Well, we like your hat.” The nerve! They thought I was suspicious until they got a good look at me. I’m insulted! Doesn’t this face look like it could be up to no good?

Oh well, at least I’ve placed another poem in a shop. I just hope they enjoyed it!

I guess you could be

A long suffering guy

Getting supplies

For his lady

But more than likely

You're a woman

In crisis

And it's either this

Or a machete

[Note - forgot to link to the mastermind behind the madness - Ms. Various Cushions herself - go here to check out her blog & see other poems in shops.]

IPYPIASM

Niamh is hosting International Put Your Poem In a Shop Month for the fourth year. The idea is that you write a poem. Put it in a shop. Then take a picture as evidence. Last year I chickened out, but I was determined to participate this year. Titus has already done it. And so has Niamh. I did the deed in the grocery store yesterday.

Those of you with your fancy phones with cameras would be able to do this very easily, but all I have is my point & shoot, so it looks like I'm taking a picture in a store. Very high profile. Now, if I were taking a picture of a shoe so I could show it to someone I wouldn't bat an eye. But taking a picture of my own litter? Alarming! And I have to say that my face was bright red by the time I finished. Man I'm a weenie!

So, without further ado, here is my pictorial evidence.

And for the closeup: 

In case you can't read it (I admit that I scribbled it at the last minute before heading out the door), here is what it says:

Looking for glad
at the grocery store?
Feeling some joy
but wishing for more?

The Christmas aisle
is a good place to start,
but for best results
you'd better look in your heart!

What about you? Do you think you could bring IPYPIASM to your city?