Grief and Great Joy

The rooms are almost empty.
It was a good place
to forge a career.
Time to move on.

Within these walls
I bottled a variety
of elixirs…

Grief and joy,
depression and apathy –
all stoppered and racked.

Sometimes the cork would fly
drenching us with some vintage
or other.

Today we leave the bottles behind.

Rain

The rain on my window sounds like bubble wrap being popped demurely – poppity pop. Or popcorn. Or hundreds of fingernails tapping softly. Hmmm. I’m thinking that this is why I’m not a novelist – aren’t you supposed to be able to write in metaphors & similes, and all those parenthetical descriptive ways? For me, this rain on my window really does sound like rain. On my window. As I commented on someone else’s blog recently, I’m a literal soul.

I’m intrigued by my own writing process – which is to say, my non-process. Basically a thought or poem or essay blooms in my head, fully formed & resists all efforts to modify or rewrite – draft isn’t really in my vocabulary. Except for this little post, obviously – there’s no blooming going on here! Just being contemplative while I listen to the rain.

How do you write? Maybe I’ll try some new method if it intrigues me enough…

And here’s a PSA: I had my annual mammogram yesterday. As usual, it was uncomfortable, but not painful. If you’re a woman over the age of 40 & you don’t get regular exams, please start now. It’s the perfect way to show that you love yourself – and your family & friends.

20 Years

20 years ago today I was minding my own business, planning to spend the evening with my friends Lee & M. Lee & I decided to go wild & crazy – so we rented “Nine ½ Weeks” with Kim Basinger & Mickey Rourke. That was the extent of our crazy – there wasn’t even any alcohol involved that I recall, but then we were house-sitting our seminary professor’s home. Boy that was a steamy movie!

Anyway.

Lee left to “do laundry” back at the dorm (that was code for “call an ex-boyfriend she had no business talking to”), so M & I started cleaning up the kitchen. That’s when it happened.

The kiss.

I don’t know how or why, but that night M & I crossed the line of friendship into the something more. It was a pretty dramatic shift for us, which is why we remember the date so well.

Seems like yesterday.
Seems like always.

Love you, dear heart.

Filling in the Gaps

I had a wonderful post about Spanx & squats wandering around in my head, but mercifully for you guys I decided that it might be best to just share that with my intimate friends (meaning the folks at work who will totally get the concept). And now I've wasted my evening with reading blogs, washing dishes, doing the Facebook thing, & playing with my Webkins (wouldn't want them to get sick, would we - they're my only children!). So I'm just throwing this little post together so I can put the Braves game on my computer & go weed - as you can see, I need to!

This is a picture that I posted a few weeks ago - all proud of our little flower bed.

Now look at it! All of the gaps have been filled in with gorgeous flowers. I'd like to have all my gaps filled in with such loveliness too (all right - dirty minds go away now!). What activities am I pursuing that would give me this beauty? I think I'll just contemplate that for a bit while I watch the Braves play...

The Invitation

It is a ritual I remember well
from those bad old Baptist days…
The pastor is wrung dry
from bearing his heart to the people.
And now he stands, head bowed
while we sing all six verses – twice:
“Just as I am, without one plea
but that thy blood was shed for me…”

When I was young, there was
comfort
in that place of confession.
That walk up the aisle.
That cleansing.
Sins exhaled to a waiting ear.

Today I wonder what
I would confess if
I were to take that walk
toward the praying man.

Perhaps that the dress I’m wearing
costs more than my weekly pledge.

Or maybe, that this narrow place
feels seductively safe
but is no longer my home.

Road Trip!

Dr. M & I are off to NC to visit our families for a few days. Our first trip from our new home! So far the main difference has been packing the car - not having to lug a suitcase down from the 3rd floor is a BIG plus!

Hope you all have a great weekend - it's possible I will post from my Dad's house, but not likely. So see you on Tuesday!

Life Lessons from a Seven Year Old

• Full speed ahead! Don’t know what’s around the next corner? Well for heaven’s sake run out there & find out!
• Chocolate is the holy grail.
• The water is not too cold.
• You can never own too many Webkins.
• Only eat the insides of your chicken strips.
• Sleep when your body says it’s time.

Here's to Good Health!

I’ve been a Weight Watcher for a long time. Hit my goal weight in 2004, the year I turned 40, but also the year we found out my mom had cancer. I maintained ok for a little while, but then the weight crept back on until now I weigh more than I did when I started WW the first time! Yikes!

While I did fairly well with the points system, I didn’t really embrace the important foundations of the program: following my hunger signals and the 8 healthy guidelines, especially limiting my intake of sugar. This next week I’m going to start paying attention to my hunger cues. Am I really hungry? Bored? Happy? Sad? I say I’m an emotional eater, but really, I’m just an eater – any emotion at all – or no emotion – can cause me to eat. So, for one week, every time I eat something I’m going to record how I feel emotionally and physically. I am NOT going to bore you guys with my daily drama – but I will report my results next week. Don’t worry – I’m not turning this into my Weight Loss Journey Blog! We’ll just add this component to the “I’m moving, feeling decrepit, missing my mom, adjusting to small town life” flavor. In fact, I can feel a post brewing about my hands…

I’ll bet you can’t wait!