My crazy behavior has begun again (um, this is different crazy behavior sweetie). This morning in the shower I was debating whether or not to shave my legs. Would that small amount of hair make a difference? I decided that grooming is good whatever the result (right).
On the way to work I did not eat my breakfast, and only took small sips of water. I decided that not only did my jeans not feel looser – they feel tighter than they did last week (yes I wore the same jeans – to be consistent!).
I walked into A’s office with trepidation & started disrobing. Off went the boots, the earrings, the lanyard, the jacket. And with one eye shut I stepped on the scale. I may have fleetingly thought about lying to you guys if I didn’t like the number. Fleetingly. Really.
I’m three pounds down (if I were lying it would be more like 1 pound – no one who knows me would believe THREE).
I’ve been thinking about why the number means so much to me. Why I compulsively need to step on the scale at least once a day. Why I have my weigh in rituals & why I feel cheated when I’m unable to do any of the rituals.
I’m a Weight Watchers warrior, a veteran. And I know my body. In order to live a normal life while also trying to be healthy I typically lose less than a pound a week. Sure those ounces add up. And after 160 of them are gone I can actually tell in my clothes. But for me those 10 pounds might take three or more months. That’s a long time to keep doing what you’re doing without some tangible result. If I didn’t record those ounces on a weekly basis I would just give up on week two, convinced that nothing was happening.
I want to be healthy & eat good things for my body. But right now, with 60 pounds to lose & arthritis in my hip, my priority is to lose weight. It’s gonna be a long slow haul people – I hope you’re prepared to hear my weigh in ritual story every week. And I promise to not lie. If I gain, I’ll tell you. If I lose .2 (a regular happening in the past), I’ll tell you. If I lose three pounds again, I’ll faint first, then I’ll tell you!
Note: I won’t be in the office next week so I won’t be weighing in. Sure my Dad has a scale. But am I making myself crazy by weighing in the day after Thanksgiving? Not a chance!