When I was in the 4th grade I learned that not everyone was fascinated with every little thing I said. Not that I remember being such a big talker, but apparently explaining to my teacher in detail why I had gone to the eye doctor to get my new glasses but had returned without them (they weren’t ready) was too much talking. To give her credit, the other kids were taking a test & I had burst into the room all chatty-like – she was just trying to shush me. But my little ego was devastated. I’m sure I was told to hush countless other times in my life, but this is the one time that I remember with clarity. Or maybe what I remember is that clutch in my stomach, that rush of heat to my face, that blurry vision that had nothing to do with new glasses that weren’t ready. And to add insult to injury I had to take a test!
Since then I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing other people’s body language. Is that smile becoming strained? Is she shifting restlessly in her seat? Is he screaming in his head, “just shut up already!”? Frankly, it’s exhausting – and I’ve found myself more than once wishing for a mouth sized strip of duct tape.
And yet I still prattled on, about my dream last night or the way my hair is driving me crazy or that hilarious blog post I just read, or the fact that cardinals (the birds, not the ball players) always look like they’re in a bad mood.
Just lately I’ve been wishing that I would just shut up & let all the voices in my head have their way for a while. That maybe if I stop talking over the top of them they’ll get everything off of their chests & leave me alone. Anxiety and Anger, Mortification and Narcissus, all clamoring for my attention, teeming behind banal chatter.
I have been thinking about taking a blog and Facebook break for Lent this year. And I’m still undecided about Facebook, but I’m now sure that I’m going to take a blogging break. I’ll still post P365 pictures on Sundays (they’re feast days after all), but nothing else until Easter.
Lent begins on February 13, but I don’t really see any reason to wait until then. So I’ll see you guys here after Easter! (Well, actually I’ll see you here on Sunday - & I’ll still read other people’s blogs so I’ll see you there too.)