When I was
in the 4th grade I learned that not everyone was fascinated with
every little thing I said. Not that I remember being such a big talker, but
apparently explaining to my teacher in detail why I had gone to the eye doctor
to get my new glasses but had returned without them (they weren’t ready) was
too much talking. To give her credit, the other kids were taking a test & I
had burst into the room all chatty-like – she was just trying to shush me. But
my little ego was devastated. I’m sure I was told to hush countless other times
in my life, but this is the one time that I remember with clarity. Or maybe
what I remember is that clutch in my stomach, that rush of heat to my face,
that blurry vision that had nothing to do with new glasses that weren’t ready.
And to add insult to injury I had to take a test!
Since then
I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing other people’s body language. Is that smile
becoming strained? Is she shifting restlessly in her seat? Is he screaming in
his head, “just shut up already!”? Frankly, it’s exhausting – and I’ve found
myself more than once wishing for a mouth sized strip of duct tape.
And yet I
still prattled on, about my dream last night or the way my hair is driving me
crazy or that hilarious blog post I just read, or the fact that cardinals (the
birds, not the ball players) always look like they’re in a bad mood.
Just lately
I’ve been wishing that I would just shut up & let all the voices in my head
have their way for a while. That maybe if I stop talking over the top of them
they’ll get everything off of their chests & leave me alone. Anxiety and
Anger, Mortification and Narcissus, all clamoring for my attention, teeming
behind banal chatter.
I have been
thinking about taking a blog and Facebook break for Lent this year. And I’m
still undecided about Facebook, but I’m now sure that I’m going to take a
blogging break. I’ll still post P365 pictures on Sundays (they’re feast days
after all), but nothing else until Easter.
Lent begins
on February 13, but I don’t really see any reason to wait until then. So I’ll see you guys here after Easter! (Well,
actually I’ll see you here on Sunday - & I’ll still read other people’s
blogs so I’ll see you there too.)
I love you. I am here, even if I seem annoyed. Do what you think is best for you, and I will support you, always. I think you have a great blog, and it has been great for you, but, yeah, maybe you need a break. We'll talk about it ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'll be the dichotomy: I understand, and I am now wearing my sad face. I will miss your posts. I'm glad you'll continue to visit blogs and interact that way, because, selfishly, you're the only one who is faithful in reading and responding on mine. That's my issue, though, not yours. I, too, will support whatever you choose to do, and will look forward to your Eastertide return. May your Lent bless you richly.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to see you go, but I've taken several blog breaks myself and I certainly understand the need. Enjoy your time away! I'll watch for your Sunday photo posts!
ReplyDeleteNoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
ReplyDeleteThat means i have to give up Bug for Lent!!!
I once announced to the assembly that i was late because i'd been to the dentist - largely because i felt it rude to be late. These days i'm very quiet most of the time - on the general idea that i don't find the stuff i do very interesting (not work wise anyway) so why would anyone else
Hope to see you back here soon x
The best and funniest thing I've seen about conversation and talking recently is this
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr1uS8KZbto
Communication is complicated!
Bloggers love Bug.
x
I did this last year for lent...I quit all social media. It was harder than I thought it would be and I was surprised at how much time I was spending on-line.
ReplyDeletewe will miss you but I hope this time draws you closer to God and refreshes your heart!
well, I've never wanted to shush you but I get it. It's tiresome sometimes. Fortunately for me, work has been pulling me away from cyberspace for days at a time during the week.
ReplyDeleteYour "mind talks" sounds like mine USED to be. Always too much chatter and analyzing. Getting older really cures a lot of that. I have really taken the back seat to blogging...so I understand a break from it.
ReplyDeleteI understand you need to do what you think you need to do, but darn it, I'm gonna miss reading your blog daily. It's a part of my routine, and I like it.
ReplyDeleteOh well, come back to us rested and ready to jabber. :)
Please do come visit me until then, OK?
S
Aw thanks everyone. I will be dipping into other folks' blogs.
ReplyDeleteRachel - that is HILARIOUS. We never watch that show but I don't know why because every time I see a clip it makes me snort :)
Aw, just when I'm getting back into reading blogs again! Your post really resonates with me - I find myself analysing others' reactions in exactly the same way and often mentally scream at myself to shut the hell up already, who on earth wants to hear what I have say, etc, etc. enjoy your break but come back to us.
ReplyDeleteI understand about taking a break, but I will miss your posts. Well, at least you will have the weekly P365 posts - I always enjoy these the most.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, I gave up red meat for Lent. I never went back... I eat beef or pork only on very rare occasions. DON'T DO THAT WITH YOUR BLOG! Come back after a break, please.
Do what you need to do, Bug. We'll still be here when you get back.
ReplyDeleteI understand. I'll miss you while you're on hiatus.
ReplyDeleteOh, bother. I will miss reading you here.
ReplyDeleteYear before last, I too took that break and it lasted a year. I needed to do it, but I'll admit that Fb simply took the place of the blog, and that's why I didn't miss it overly much. In my blogging heyday, I was trying to keep up with almost 100 other blogs, and felt like I was drowning more often than not. Now, I simply blog when I feel like it and have something to share (though most times, I've already shared it on Fb) and I don't care that I only have 25-30 readers. Those are the people I consider my blog friends and we've been there for one another for quite some time. So, all that verbiage to say, "Have a nice break!" Love you Bug!
ReplyDeleteI'm a talker, too.
ReplyDeleteI will miss reading you and look forward to your return.
I can still get that feeling of being shut up, the shame of it... And I'm wondering if I should't try what you suggest, brilliantly, in the paragraph about letting the voices have their way - just might work. :)
ReplyDelete