Where in the World is Ann T. Hathaway?

Living in community is hard. It's joyful & hilarious & comforting & all kinds of uplifting too. But life is not all happy happy joy joy and sometimes it hurts to have friends. I've done a fairly good job of being distant from my in real life friends all these years – literally & figuratively. You won't get a random call from me (unless it's your birthday - & even then it's iffy – sorry KJ!). It's not that I don't want to know what's happening – it's that maybe I'll have to be with you in your misery as well as your joy. I'm not really very good at that – and I tend to anesthetize my feelings with food or mindless computer games. Add the stresses of my own life and you have the recipe for a coronary.

And now I have an online community, & bloggers have a way of not letting you keep your distance. It's all this intimate reading of each other's thoughts & feelings. I find myself having to be with these folks in their misery & joy too. And of course, it's a little easier to do that over the interwebs. I can write a nice comment and feel like I've "been" with the person. Most of the time that doesn't let me off the hook – I still feel for the person even if I've moved on to the next blog.

But when it's really hard, and what's making my heart hurt these days, is when they go away. Sometimes we know why. Barry left us and his wife Linda told us about it. We're still mourning his loss – and there are certain posts where I still wonder what he would say about what I wrote. Goldenrod left us, and her daughter Polimom told us about it. I can't believe that force of nature with whom I just had a great phone conversation in July, is now lost to us. And there have been bloggers who just decided that it was time for them to close their blogs. And they told us they were leaving, so we could say goodbye if we needed to (or maybe I stalked them tracked them down so I could say goodbye).

And now Ann T. Hathway is missing entirely. Her blog is still there, with no portent of doom. The last post is a happy one. But she hasn't posted since before Labor Day. And she doesn't respond to email. And she apparently doesn't answer the phone (another blogger (thanks Gia!) has tried to call and had the police do a well-being check). And I'm so desperately afraid for this woman I've never met. Maybe she needed a break, but I'm pretty sure she would have told us.

So I'm left imagining the worst and hoping she'll read this post & be embarrassed and mad about it. I really want her to be mad at me.

In fact, I'm praying for it.

P.S. Almost immediately after I finished writing this I felt as though a weight had lifted from my shoulders. Writing my pain helped dissapate it. And that reminds me of why I blog in the first place - to get all that emotion out there for the world to see so that it can help carry the load. Thanks!


  1. I have known other bloggers who just up and left one day without explaination. Its a bit like walking by your neigbor's house and realizing they have left their backdoor wide open. All the lights are on, but no one is home and you have no way of knowing were they've got to or when they will come back... if they come back at all.

    It is bothersome. I do hope that Ann pops up and lets us know that she is in good health. Even if she has been too busy to blog, it would be nice to know that she has not been kidnapped by fairies.

  2. We do become emotionally attached to our bloggy friends. It's hard when suddenly one throws in the towel on the blog and doesn't say goodbye. I do hope your friend is okay.

    I still mourn the loss of Barry every day. I pulled up an older post yesterday and there was his comment. It made me cry to see it.

  3. I'll sit and wait with you, Dearest, if you're worried, then I'm worried too!

  4. Maybe life just interfered and she hasn't had a chance to post. I always try to say something if I'm going to be away, just so nobody worries! I know what you mean -- these connections ARE very real to us all.

  5. Well, if the police did a well being check, I suppose she is OK though you'd think she would respond to a personal email inquiring after her. It's only been a couple of weeks since Labor Day. Perhaps she went on vacation.

    But I know what you mean about the connections with other bloggers.

  6. I think it speaks to how real these relationships are, even if we don't see one another face to face. It's good to have a community of people who truly are concerned for your well being. I think you are a love for wanting to know if she is OK Bug. :c)

  7. Thanks Bug for your help! I also want her to be extremely mad at me!! As for the police doing a well being check, they did not speak with her. No one answered the door so they left a note saying to contact me. She has not. But as long as no foul play is evident, there is really nothing a non relative can do. I will be bugging the PD for one more check, just to try to physically see her, but after that, I can only hope that she is off on a fabulous adventure with Miss Ellen and hasnt a care in the world! So Ann T if you are out there reading this, a wink will stop the worry, its not fair of you to make us hurt, we are hurt enough! xoxo

  8. People/bloggers have a way of coming and going, often unceremoniously.

    I've e-mailed, blogged and chatted with plenty of people over the years, and it always seems to be a revolving door.

    I think people just get bored with things after awhile and seek-out new distractions. (I've done it myself)

    But therein lies the beauty - there's always a new, equally-interesting person waiting to be discovered... that's the way of the world.

  9. Coming from someone who has thrown in the towel, I would say that sometimes one has to just make a break.

    Try not to worry, perhaps Ann is away or has computer problems or got lost in a really delcious book. I read somewhere...hope for the best but prepare for the worst..after all Ann may be out enjoying the Autumn. I'm sure with time she'll return because you can't resist the urge to share.

  10. Wow. I haven't been in the blogging world long enough to make friends... Your blogger friends are blessed to have you.. I hope Ms. Hathaway is ok..

  11. Aw Bug, I understand, I do. It was actually reading that Barry had died that played a big part in my taking most of the summer off from the blogs. I read Linda's post, and I couldn't even respond to it, I felt such sadness.

    So I took a bit of a break, and came back. It's strange to feel sad, or afraid...and I was afraid for Barry when Linda took over updates...for people you don't have physically present in your life, isn't it? I didn't even know Barry well, I'd just been reading along with his journey.

    But the thing is, we forget that this isn't a new form of communication and closeness. It's an old form. Correspondence was the way that most people kept in touch, and often it was with people that had never met. Pen pals found each other because of mutual interests and kept up lifelong correspondence. The movie 80 Charing Cross Rd (I believe that's the title) is a good example of how important people become to one another through words.

    I hope your friend is okay. She needs to respond, even if things are not good for her right now. Even if it is with a "I'm just not up to this right now, I'll be back." (I'm putting that there, just in case she's seeing this...it is okay to not be up to blogging, posting, emailing, just give a shout!)

    I hope she's well, and safe. I hope you all find her.

  12. I can really identify with your feelings about friends and blogging and making friends via internet. I can think of many reasons why some people have to stop posting or visiting. They just don't have the time, they have had some disturbing commenter s, or feel their computers has been messed with by someone that doesn't have anything better to do or is just plain mean. This happened to a lot of us about a year ago. Some people just go through a slump and need to back off. But yes...there have been some who just disappeared with no explanation and that is strange.
    I still prefer emails and blogging to communicate these days, because I really do not like telephone conversations. Especially ones that last over 2 hours...I am serious. I have a cousin who thinks that 3 hour phone calls are short.

  13. My husband constantly picks at me about referring to my blogging buddies as friends. He thinks that unless you confirm the "friendship" in person, it isn't for real. Bleh, to him. I know friends. And even though an online friend up and left me without so much as an "up yours" when we finally did meet in person, I still think my online and blog friends are just that, friends. Okay, so that was about me. Moving on.

    I hope you hear from Ann. I appreciate your sense of loss, concern, and missing her presence on her own blog as well as visiting yours. I hope you get a good word soon. In the meantime, I'll join Kim in waiting with you.

  14. And another thing. If the mail and any newspapers are collecting, there's definitely cause for concern. Do the P.I. thing: stick a piece of paper in the crack of the door and then go by to check to see if it is still there a couple of days later.

  15. let it flow,
    let it glow...

    beautiful reflections!


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