The Distant City

the distant city
doesn’t call her

she can’t see the
naked cornfields on either side
but feels their bare expectancy

this hurtling through ink
feels like flying
flights of fancy, anyway

with such an inscrutable sky
she could be headed anywhere
anywhere, anywhere
anywhere at all

the distant city
doesn’t call her
but it gets her

for today

If it's Wednesday, it must be time for the Random Dozen Meme from "Lidna" at 2nd Cup of Coffee. If you want to participate just go to Linda's site to link up.

1. Tell me something about your favorite teacher.

Not necessarily my favorite at the time, but one of the most memorable - my seminary Old Testament professor, Sam Ballentine. He was HARD – it’s a miracle I made a B – but he made the Old Testament come alive – it was almost like he was the voice of God speaking to me in the classroom. Spooky, but in a good way.

2. Tell me about one pivotal moment in your life.

I had been considering the Peace Corps, but I wasn’t a teacher or a builder – I was an Accounting major. One day I was in the Christian Student Center at college & saw a brochure about the Journeyman program. This was a two year mission program for college graduates. It listed bookkeeper right there in the brochure! I applied for the program & ended up in Zambia. This obviously affected my world view (and was the beginning of my bleeding heart liberal self), but it also eventually led me to Dr. M.

3. About favorite colors--a lot of people will ask you what it is, but I want to know why it is. What feeling or memory does it evoke?

My favorite color is Roy G. Biv. I just can’t decide! But if you’re going to press me I’ll say purple because the amethyst has special meaning for Dr. M & me.

4. What's a sure sign that you're getting older?

My arthritis – I’m really salty that it’s worse now that the weather is cooler. Way to be a stereotype Bug! Oh, & the fact that there are people working with me who could be my children. Yikes!

5. Please don't sermonize, but Halloween--is it a yes or no for you?

Yep! I try to dress up every year (we dress up at work). Here's a picture from 2004.

6. What's your favorite musical?

The Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical! “I’ve got a theory, it could be bunnies…”

7. Are you more of a city mouse or country mouse?

Can’t I be a small town mouse? That’s where I’m most comfortable.

8. Did you know that it is possible, for a small fee, to name a real star after someone? (It's true! Google it!) If someone were to name a star for you, would you appreciate it for its whimsy and romance, or would you say, "Are you kidding me? For $19.95 we could have gone to the movie and actually bought popcorn."

That would be so excellent! Except I really want a new Prius instead… What do you mean they cost more than $19.95?

9. What's the craziest thing you've ever been doing and texted during it? I only thought of this b/c I was about to try to text during my walking video but I didn't.

Um, well, I’ve only texted successfully once in my life & it took me 2 hours to say “thinking of u 2day.”

10. "It's not a party unless _______."

There’s cake!

11. When you're stuck in traffic or a waiting room, what do you do to pass the time? PS: There are no magazines available.

In traffic I’m listening to a book on tape. In a waiting room I’ve either brought a book or I play solitaire on my PDA.

12. If you weren't yourself, would you be friends with you?

I’m thinking not. I would find myself too annoying & off putting. “Boy, that Bug, all she does is talk about herself & whine.” I might friend myself on Facebook though because I think I’m funny.

OK, this ends the revealing things about myself trend until next Wednesday. I'll try to be more enigmatic until then.

10 Random Things

Lee Ryan from Occasional Notes tagged me for this list. As I was doing it realized that I had already done one several months ago - but I made sure to list 10 new things this time.

1. I stole two grapes from the local fruit stand when I was around four. My mom made me go back in & pay a penny for them. She & the fruit stand lady cried about how cute & pitiful I was.


2. A few years later at that same store my mom told me that I really should be friendlier to people – they were going to think I was stuck up. I told her I was just shy. It was a lie – I was stuck up. If you didn’t live in a book you just weren’t important to me.


3. My mom had a pajama party for me when I was 10 or 11. Late in the night my friends went looking for me. I was in a closet reading a book with a flashlight.


4. All this talk about reading makes it sound like I am really into LIT'rature – but, no. If I have to think about it more than twice your concept is too deep for me. Give me a good Janet Evanovich & let me escape into inanity please!


5. As my family well knows, I have an irrational drive to point out errors – especially in writing. This does NOT mean that I don’t make errors myself! And I don’t really even think about it with my bloggy friends (except – please guys, use “than” instead of “then” when appropriate – it’s become an epidemic!). I recently emailed Tudor’s Biscuit World to inform them that they had a typo on their home page. I just looked & it’s been fixed! Wow – I do exert some influence in the world! (Leave me to my delusions please.)


6. I had such a bad thumb-sucking habit that I slept with a sock on my right hand. In the 6th grade. I was desperate to give up the habit because my thumb was embarrassingly raw in the winter, but I was doing it in my sleep so I didn’t really have control over it. Thumb-sucking medicine didn’t work – it just burned a little & then went away. The sock was MUCH more effective!


7. My first kiss was the summer after I graduated from high school. He was a NC farm boy named Gold. Nice guy, but not really for me. My second kiss was at Myrtle Beach the summer after my freshman year of college & he STUCK HIS TONGUE in my mouth! Ick! I just met you at putt-putt & now you’re trying to… Let’s just say I wasn’t a particularly fast girl at that time LOL.


8. I do not like coffee or alchohol. I lump them in with cabbage & carrots on the list of yucky things in life. But once, a really long time ago, I drank an entire Fuzzy Navel over the course of two hours - & then had the nerve to think I was slightly tipsy. Wonder what would happen if I actually did get tipsy?


9. One day while I was in Zambia I sat in wet grass (here is a picture of me sitting in that grass - look at those ginormous glasses! Looks like I fried my contact lens boiler again). As a result I was infected with Putzi fly larvae. If you would like to read the sordid & disgusting details of such an infestation, go here. I had a strange fascination with plucking the larvae from my skin with tweezers. Unfortunately most of the larvae had ended up in a region that I wasn’t able to reach, so my roommate had to do the honors. Strangely, she did NOT enjoy it as much as I did.


10. Speaking of tweezers, when I was a child I used to like to stick my grandmother’s cactus spines into the tips of my fingers & pull them out with tweezers. No, it didn’t hurt. Yes, even I knew that there was something not quite right about it.

Wow – I’m really strange! Perhaps I’m getting a little too comfortable with all this “getting to know you” business. Whatever’s going on it will most likely continue on Wednesday when I do the Random Dozen Meme again. Sorry!

Halloween Party

Dr. M & I went to a kid-friendly Halloween party yesterday at my old boss’s house. We dressed up, but it turns out that except for our hosts, most of the adults just dressed their kids. Well, we don’t have kids to dress up so we have to spend all that creativity on each other! Dr. M was a Renaissance merchant (he wore this same outfit last week to take his history club students to the local Ren fair) and I was a witchy witch. I just love my Professor McGonagall hat!

We had a nice time, but boy was I exhausted. I knew I wasn’t cut out to be a mother, but watching all the mothers run around chasing toddlers just confirmed it. I did have fun with a couple of twin 18-month old girls. They apparently thought I was their watering hole & just walked up & opened their mouths while eyeing my cup. Fortunately I was drinking water & not any of the hard stuff!

Here are a handful of pics from the day.

Assignation

It’s pouring rain as I drive toward
an unscheduled assignation.
I park and grab my umbrella,
lock the door and round the car
looking down at my empty hands.
Shit (did I say that out loud?).
That was when I made the call.
I said I’d be the girl
with the penguin umbrella.

Now I’m warm and dry,
reliving that magical moment
when he dropped my keys into my hand.
As we parted company, he said,
“That sure is some penguin umbrella!”

I’ll bet he says that to all the girls.

Random Dozen Meme

If it's Wednesday, it must be time for the Random Dozen Meme from "Lidna" at 2nd Cup of Coffee. If you want to participate just go to Linda's site to link up.

1. Candy corn: Your thoughts?

Nectar of the gods…

2. Briefly, what was the first conversation you ever had with your spouse? (or best friend, if you're not married.) (Or someone significant, like your librarian.)

He was wearing overalls & sitting in the floor of the seminary library and was discussing the merits, or lack thereof, of using PVC pipes for wind chimes. I think. And, no, this did not immediately make me think, “Here is the individual I’m going to spend the rest of my life with!” It took a few months of ping pong & deep conversation for that to happen.

3. Could you ever become a vegetarian?

I like vegetarian food well enough that I would be pretty happy going without meat (but not dairy or eggs!), but I’d have to be a LOT more intentional about feeding myself - & we’d totally have to change the places we like to eat.

4. Have you ever dressed up your pet in a costume?

We don’t have any pets, but I dressed a stuffed dog in a baseball uniform. And we have one of those geese who has an outfit for every month – she’s a witch right now, but I don't have a picture of her in that outfit - so here's August.

5. Name something about childhood that you miss (like Clark Bars, Teaberry Gum, Malibu Barbie, cracking fake eggs on people's heads with your fist and "It's the Great Pumpkin" airing only once a year).

Cadging a bite of my mom’s oatmeal cake & a sip of her Pepsi – it tasted extra special because it was hers.

6. Have you ever won a trophy? If not, what do you deserve a trophy for?

I think my softball team got trophies the one year I played, but I’m not sure why. Probably for showing up to play. I was TERRIBLE! I was tall for my age (stopped growing in the 5th grade – I was 5’4”) and they expected that I could hit the ball a long way. And I actually couldn’t hit past the pitcher. It was as effective as a bunt, but then I couldn’t really run the bases very well either. Can I read a book now?

7. When do you think is the appropriate time to begin playing Christmas music each year?

The day after Thanksgiving. I try to be very strict so that I don’t burn out.

8. What's your favorite board game?

Trivial Pursuit! The original version where I have a slight chance of actually beating you.

9. How do you feel about surprises (receiving, not giving)?

Depends on the surprise, but usually it amazes me to have someone think enough about me to surprise me so I’m pleased. That sounds pathetic, but I have self-esteem issues. Don't hassle me.

10. Is it easy for you to say, "I'm sorry?"

Yes, but then I almost always follow up with, but it really wasn’t my fault because of this or that. Trying to break that habit.

11. What is your favorite candle scent?

Pumpkin Spice

12. October is traditionally "open house" time in public schools. If you had a literal open house in your home (like a reception) what light snacks would you serve visitors and what would you show them (as in art projects, graded papers) that would uniquely represent you?

Dr. M would go overboard on cheeses, crackers, dips, chips & salsa, and then I would make this great recipe for cake balls from Kelly’s blog. I would show off my photo albums, and we would leave the computer on so we could show all of our pictures (yes, we’re those people). If the weather was nice we would show off our garage – we’re so excited to have one! And we would show off our flowers.

Just Another Afternoon at the Castle

Dr. M & I had a really nice day yesterday roaming around the Ohio countryside. The day was beautiful – if just a bit chilly (in the 50s & windy). We had to make a “quick” trip to Cincinnati in the morning & made it to Dr. M’s school at the end of the 4th quarter of the homecoming game. His team won! Always nice to win your game on homecoming. After standing by the field for about 5 minutes I was quite grateful for that unexpected trip to Cincinnati in our warm car – not sure I would have survived sitting on those cold exposed stands for the whole game! I was ill-prepared for the chill – even though I thought I was. Next game I’m taking my version of the Snuggie! There will be a whole post dedicated to this garment in the near future.

After the game was over we headed to West Liberty, Ohio to visit the Piatt Castles for their Halloween program: Ghosts & Goblins, Literature to Scare & Delight. We had a great time. It’s a program really designed for children – there were games & scary stories from 19th century poems – but Dr. M & I enjoyed the old house and the staff dressed in their ghostly costumes. They put on a play about a ghost wedding, and there was a tour of the spooky basement. Then we all stood around warming our knickers by a bonfire. We each made a wish & threw parsley into the fire. I’m not telling you what my wish was! I did make sure that this was not some sort of fertility ritual. Heh.

The program was held at Mac-A-Chee castle. The other castle, Mac-A-Cheek, is about a mile away. The names are derived from a Shawnee village called Mackachack. Construction on the homes began in the 1860s. They’re not actual castles – they are chateaux built in a gothic design. Perfect for Halloween! Note - this tiny history lesson is courtesy of Wikipedia and the Piatt Castles website. Please visit those sites for more information.

They’re having the same program next Saturday beginning at 4:30 – if you’re in the area check it out! *There is an admission fee.

Hangman

I spend a lot of time working puzzles. I love cryptograms & cryptoquotes & word searches & jumbles & picture puzzles… It’s vastly entertaining to me to bring order out of chaos (too bad that doesn’t translate to bringing order out of our house’s chaos – sorry sweetie). Well, this week I’ve been totally fascinated with Hangman. It’s the only puzzle I can do at work – my other puzzle site has been banned. Lately, with my overdose of hangman I’m really noticing how my brain works. Or not really how it works so much as that it works. I see the spaces for the letters and I type “a e i” until there are enough vowels to work with (I’ve decided that it’s now legal to end a sentence with “with.” So there.). Then I type “s t r l m n” and see what’s there. And usually – 99% of the time – I have the word figured out by then. It’s like Wheel of Fortune without Pat & Vanna (do they still do Wheel of Fortune?). And I am the Queen of this little game. 

But I wonder. What is all this frantic letter tapping about, really? I’m a great one for not delving too deeply. I know there are worries at the corners – if I turn my head quickly I’m sure I’ll see them face-on. But I think my worries are all constructed of Paper Mache – a good rain would turn them to mush that I could sweep out the back door. So right now I’m looking straight ahead. I’m watching words formed out of thin air. Let’s keep the little bugger from getting hanged, shall we?

Random Dozen Meme

If it's Wednesday, it must be time for the Random Dozen Meme from "Lidna" at 2nd Cup of Coffee. I tried to be a little more succinct this week. P.S. - if you want to participate just go to Linda's site to link up.

1. I've always wondered why we were taught both printing and cursive. Do you prefer to print or write cursive? (Keyboard is not a choice.)

Well, actually I do both. In the same word. Just look at the word “bacon” in this post. I wonder what that says about me?

2. Are you a dreamer or a realist?

Realistic dreamer? I try not to dream about things that couldn’t possibly happen. Well, except for winning the lottery. But that could happen – really!

3. Billy Joel or Elton John?

Billy! I like Elton better now that I’m older, but I think Billy still wins.

4. What is the scariest movie you've ever seen? Not limited to horror flicks but also includes ones where the tension or suspense is killer, for example, Flightplan (2005): A bereaved woman and her daughter are flying home from Berlin to America. At 30,000 feet the child vanishes and nobody admits she was ever on that plan.

Nightmare on Elm Street. Because I felt like it could really happen. Who’s to say what might infiltrate our dreams?

5. Now what is the scariest real-life moment you've had?

That time in Zambia (or maybe Zimbabwe – doesn’t that sound exotic?) when Mom & Mamaw & I were stuck in the game preserve & I had to get out & stuff rocks under the Kombi’s tires just to get the thing to get out of the mud. And there were lions in that park (not that we ever saw any – they were probably offended by my language). But the threat of lions was enough to get my heart pounding!

6. What word do you misspell without fail?

It used to be “definite” but I did it so often that I finally learned it!

7. Name something you like to do but are not really talented or good at.

Bowling! I really enjoy it, but I have a wicked hook I've never tamed. And never really tried (sorry Daddy) - trying would take all the fun out of it!

8. Do you get your emotional/mental batteries recharged by being around people or by having alone time?

Leave me alone! Please – just let me finish reading this paragraph/chapter/book and I promise I’ll pay you some attention…

9. Have you ever been on TV?

Nope! And there was a big sigh of relief…

10. Apple or pumpkin pie? (Don't be greedy.)

Apple – can I have some right now?

11. How many magazine subscriptions do you have?

Too many! Self, More, Guideposts, Greenprints, Weight Watchers, Blue Ridge Country, National Parks, Our State... I always order when the kids come round… But I’m trying to let them die (the magazine subscriptions, not the kids) to gear up for the next round. The only one I won’t do without is Greenprints. Yes, I know it’s a gardening magazine. Yes, I know I don’t have a garden & don’t really like getting dirt under my nails. Your point is?

12. What lesson do you have to keep re-learning?

That I do not get the flu once per month. It always sneaks up on me – about every third month I tell Dr. M that I think I have a fever & feel achy. That I’m pretty sure it’s the flu. Sigh.

Almost

Dr. M & I went on a leaf-peeping expedition today. It was a beautiful day – mostly clear sky, brisk temps (in the 50s). There were some pretty leaves, but we figure next week will be the most beautiful – just in time for homecoming at Dr. M’s school. I’m already trying to figure out how to look lovely & still be warm for the game. I think a turtleneck might be involved.

We stopped for some ice cream (black cherry chocolate chunk – oh my!) at Young’s Jersey Dairy and got some pictures of the animals & general mayhem.

On the way home we stopped by the Tecumseh Land Trust (home of all the gorgeous sunflowers from the other week). And then took a turn through an old cemetery. And look! It’s sort of a family joke that everywhere we go there is a cannon. As the wife of a historian I have quite a collection of pictures of them. I’m just surprised that Dr. M didn’t get out of the car to pose with it.

I’m almost ready to let summer go. Almost. The marigolds are hanging on even as the mums try to overtake them. It’s almost time to hook up the electric blanket – which I will continue to kick off in the middle of the night. But, still, it’s only almost. Not quite there yet, this cool October day.

Wednesday Random Dozen Meme

If it's Wednesday, it must be time for the Random Dozen Meme from "Lidna" at 2nd Cup of Coffee. Sorry it's so long - apparently I had a lot to say this week! P.S. - if you want to participate just go to Linda's site to link up.

1. On an average, how often do you splurge and buy something for yourself?

Maybe once a quarter? Unless you mean chocolate, which would be pretty much every day.

2. Are you more like Hall or Oates? Just kidding. Real question: What is the last creative project you began/finished? Feel free to post a pic of it.

I used to be very good about making cards for all of our family members' birthdays. Kept right on top of it. Lately I've been either in a funk or maimed (slight exaggeration). But before my surgery I made a batch of cards - nothing special. Here is one I made for a male relative.

3. OK, Goldie Locks, do you consider your house too big, too little or juuuust right?

A little bit too small. Dr. M’s office could be bigger (it’s about the size of some people’s walk-in closets). And I’d like a separate room for the washer & dryer – they’re in the kitchen, which will be nice & toasty in cold weather, but was a bit moist this summer. And loud.

4. What is your favorite outdoor chore?

Working? Outdoors? Wow – that’s an interesting concept. Just kidding! I actually like to mow, but got to do it exactly once this summer because of my surgery. But next year, I’ll be fighting Dr. M for that mower! There is something so satisfying about watching the grass being neatened, row by row, until at last you’re done.

5. If you knew that cigarette smoking was not bad for your health but would be a weight loss tool, would you use it? Why or why not?

I’m not gonna be politically correct here – I think smoking is a disgusting habit. I don’t like the smell, and I don’t like how people get addicted to it (of course, I’m not really even addicted to caffeine, so I’m probably just being smug). So, the answer is a resounding NO. But I’m willing to accept all other suggestions for losing weight (except for that boring one of expending more calories than you consume LOL).

6. On a road trip, would you rather drive or ride?

Ride! That way it’s less dangerous when I nod off about 30 minutes into the trip. Yes, I’m just like an infant that way.

7. What do you consider a trivial pursuit?

I have so many trivial pursuits of my own that I’m loathe to condemn anyone else’s. I don’t really understand the attraction of reality TV, but I’m sure other people don’t understand my compulsive need to read Bill in Portland Maine’s Cheers & Jeers column on The Daily Kos every day.

8. This weekend, we downloaded the movie "Duplicity" with Julia Roberts and Clive Owen. Within 5 minutes, I was bored and annoyed, but I kept watching 5-10 minutes at a time hoping it would get better between small chores. I finally gave up and Jorge watched it alone, and then regretted wasting that time because he disliked it intensely, too. So ... how long do you watch a movie or read a book before giving up on it?

Ooh – this is tough. I have a REALLY hard time not reading to the end of a book even if I hate it. Dr. M gets frustrated & amused when I start yelling at the book. I think that one time in the last 20 years I skipped to the end because I was so annoyed – but even then I had to read the rest of the stuff in between to find out how the end made sense. These days a lot of my “reading” is audio books – you should see me yelling at the radio in my car LOL.

Movies are a little different – although I tend to want to see what happens even if it’s really bad. I’m not as invested in a movie, so I can let it go sometimes – but it has to be early on – in the first 10 minutes or so, or else I’m stuck.

9. Is there a song that you really love but are embarrassed to admit because it's not cool or it's racy or because it's by Hall and Oates?

This is going to mark me as a nerd (a quiz on facebook has already confirmed that fact anyway), but as a Southern Baptist I loved to sing hymns – it was my favorite part of church. When I joined the Episcopal Church I was less than impressed with their hymnal (thank goodness our church also used Lift Every Voice and Sing and we had a fabulous music director). But there is this one hymn we sang that just caused me to have such a depth of feeling. I can’t explain it – the tune is very dirge-like. It's called "I Bind Unto Myself Today" (also called Saint Patrick's Breastplate). I wanted to find a video of a choir singing it, but all I found was a group of vacation bible school children - & they don't sing my favorite part. You can watch them here, but here are the words (turn off the horrible electronic music while reading - it gets kind of monotonous without any singing!) These are the words I like best:

Christ be with me, Christ within me, Christ behind me, Christ before me, Christ beside me, Christ to win me, Christ to comfort and restore me. Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ in quiet, Christ in danger, Christ in hearts of all that love me, Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

10. On a scale of 1-10 (10 = extremely) how spontaneous are you?

I’d say a 6. I like to think of myself as spontaneous - & I can be when making shopping decisions (I think that’s just because I don’t like to shop & want it to be over as quickly as possible). But, really, I do think twice when someone says, “let’s run off to Cancun on Tuesday.” Well, I would think twice if anyone ever asked me that.

11. Are you a food and/or beverage snob?

Nope – I will eat the pizza from the convenience store just as happily as the one from Dewey’s. I do have my favorite soft drink – but since it’s the Kroger store brand I wouldn’t call that being a snob. Here’s a quiz for my readers – what do you call a soft drink like Coke? Growing up, it was just that – as opposed to a hard drink. Here in Ohio they call it “pop” which amuses me no end – that’s what my cousin calls her father. But now I use it like a native.

12. Who/What are you trying to control in your life?

Boy, this one is TOUGH. Apparently I’m not doing a good job of it because I can’t even think of anything. I’m sure Dr. M could offer some suggestions. Heh. I sure gave up trying to control him a LONG time ago.

$50 for your thoughts...

You know how some women will say that they have an extra child – their husband? Or, in my case, one child – Dr. M. Once again Dr. M & I have proven that we are Opposite Couple. He cooks & does laundry, & until recently was the primary grocery shopper. He’s a lot more "feeling" than I am – I’m not logical, exactly, but I often review situations dispassionately. He really is an all-round most excellent husband – and father, apparently, with me being the child. Sometimes he just shakes his head at me as I muddle along as if I’ve never done an adult thing in my life. So last night we were laying in bed (or is it lying? I can never remember), trying to remember which dead white guy was on the fifty dollar bill. We had just watched a documentary on Alexander Hamilton (who is on the $10). Anyway, we were trying to remember who is on the $50, & I said, “Isn’t it Benjamin Harrison because they call them Benjamins?” Dr. M gives me that are-you-sure-you’re-not-really-a-blonde look & says, “No – it’s Benjamin Franklin & he’s on the hundred.” Whoops. He was pretty proud that I remembered that we had a president named Benjamin Harrison. 

Then we got into a discussion of Andrew Jackson & why he shouldn’t be on the twenty (he was a tyrant & besides, he did not believe in paper money. Oh the irony!). Don’t you love our pillow talk? 

 P.S. Ulysses S. Grant is on the $50. He’s probably not our finest representation either…

Okay, I give...

I've mentioned before that fall is NOT my favorite season - I don't give up the sun and green and profusion of flowers easily. However, I do get excited about the temps being cooler & the leaves changing, and figuring out what to wear for Halloween. Well, Halloween is more of a chore, actually, but Dr. M & I already have our costumes figured out for a family friendly party we're attending on the 24th. I'll post a picture for sure. In fact, I might do a little retrospective of Halloweens gone by (don't get very excited - I'm not all that creative in this department).

Anyway, in an effort to get the sad post down the page a notch I've decided to post some recent pictures. Enjoy!

First, a few pictures from Dr. M's commute (when he takes the long way):

And here are some pictures from our house. The petunias were fabulous, but we decided some mums were in order:

I want to

Last night I was weighted down with sadness. Thank goodness the end of the Ken Burns National Parks documentary was on – I could cry without self-consciousness. I didn’t want to worry Dr. M.

I was sad because I found out that a new Facebook friend, an acquaintance from high school, was struggling with breast cancer. She’s had the disease for 10 years. She says it’s like the whack-a-mole game & just pops up in new places unexpectedly. She’s underinsured because of her 10 year battle, and can’t afford a biopsy of the latest findings.

I was sad because I miss my mother & I can hardly bear to think about her last days.

I was sad because Dr. M’s family is struggling with his mother’s condition - and we’re struggling too.

I was sad because it feels like the people I pray for don’t ever get better.

I was sad because we found out the some of the children who play next door used to live in our house - & someone in the neighborhood complained to the police & they were “run off.” I don’t know what the adults did (or didn’t do) that caused the problem. But I’m sad because the boys lost their home.

And lastly, I was sad because Cluckles the Chicken has gone missing.

Today, with the bright sunshine after pouring rain and storms, I want to say that I feel better. That I think that it’s just my usual fall melancholy. That the tightness in my chest has eased.

I want to.