I want to

Last night I was weighted down with sadness. Thank goodness the end of the Ken Burns National Parks documentary was on – I could cry without self-consciousness. I didn’t want to worry Dr. M.

I was sad because I found out that a new Facebook friend, an acquaintance from high school, was struggling with breast cancer. She’s had the disease for 10 years. She says it’s like the whack-a-mole game & just pops up in new places unexpectedly. She’s underinsured because of her 10 year battle, and can’t afford a biopsy of the latest findings.

I was sad because I miss my mother & I can hardly bear to think about her last days.

I was sad because Dr. M’s family is struggling with his mother’s condition - and we’re struggling too.

I was sad because it feels like the people I pray for don’t ever get better.

I was sad because we found out the some of the children who play next door used to live in our house - & someone in the neighborhood complained to the police & they were “run off.” I don’t know what the adults did (or didn’t do) that caused the problem. But I’m sad because the boys lost their home.

And lastly, I was sad because Cluckles the Chicken has gone missing.

Today, with the bright sunshine after pouring rain and storms, I want to say that I feel better. That I think that it’s just my usual fall melancholy. That the tightness in my chest has eased.

I want to.


  1. I am not at all surprised that you felt sad. I would too if I found out so many sad things in such a short time and then of course, if you are anything like me, we would regularly go through stages of melancholy. Please do not get discouraged if you pray and God does not answer in the way you expect. I know it is hard to accept but it really is about His will and not ours.

  2. For every sad thing that happened, a happy one occurred to balance it out. Sometimes we have a hard time seeing the happy things when the sad ones seem to be piling up.

  3. Hugs to you. There are such a large number of hard things in the world. It doesn't get easier.

    But you have so many folks who care about you! Will be praying. :)

  4. We all have our days of sadness, but we find ways of overcoming it and go on with our Life. It's not at all easy, but it's possible. And I haven't found anything better yet than to pray to God.

  5. I know sad. We're first cousins. I recognize the sound of sad's footsteps and the way the door slams when sad invites itself in. But I'm hospitable, because my mama raised me right. But it hurts. And yes, crying helps. And the sun coming out? Stink, sometimes it just feels like a damn conspiracy. But you know the best part? Sad can't hold a candle to the light that burns in my heart. And when I pay attention to the light real hard, I don't see sad sitting there any more.

    Holding you in the light, dear one.

  6. Sorry you are blue. Thanks for the kind words on my new niece. The good Lord does take away, but he gives too. Thankfully today I am on the giving end.

    Have a better weekend.


  7. You're in my thoughts and I'm pleased that your sadness is easing a little. I once heard that prayer is a way for us to get to a state of grace about a situation, not necessarily a way of getting a remedy. Not sure if that's helpful or not, but I am thinking of you.

  8. I feel your sadness. I get that way also at this time of year. I just don't want the time to change and start getting dark at 5 pm. I don't want to be housebound with cold freezing weather....blah..blah blah. I love looking outside and seeing everything green and colorful. Those are reasons enough to be sad, but pile on all the other things that happen in life and it gets a bit much at times.
    The plus side is that I really don't mind feeling sad because it helps to keep my soul in perspective. I am grateful to be able to feel these feelings because the opposite would be not feeling anything...if that makes any sense...

  9. One of the saddest things I read in your sorrowful post was the fact that your friend with breast cancer cannot afford a biopsy!

    Under-insured, after ten years of fighting this awful accursed cancer. I don't know how these health insurance schemes work in the States but it seems despicable to me that she is apparently now being 'penalised' for being ill for too long!

    I hope you can shake off the blues m'dear. It does not help you, nor your friend, but I understand how all these sad instances affects one, especially a caring lass like you.

  10. Thanks for your kind comments everyone. I'm feeling some better. I think that part of my problem is that my fall allergies are kicking in - it's always so much easier to feel pitiful when you don't feel well.

    Tomorrow I'll post some happy stuff - our Halloween/Fall decorations!

  11. Some people have terrible burdens in life. It is very sad.

  12. I completely understand. My cousin, who I haven't seen in a long time but keep in touch with on Facebook, is battling breast cancer as well. Her mother, my aunt died from it 20 years ago.

    You said what I have been feeling...I am sad also because I pray for people but they never get better.


    I am sure your true friendship to your friend enriches her life and makes her struggle more bearable. It's the people who are with us when we need them the most that matter the most.

  13. I sometimes struggle with sadness too, it is a much easier emotional state for me to slip into than, say, fear.

    But, ultimately it is a waste of time and energy and if I just acknowledge it and turn my attention elsewhere, it leaves me alone.

    Then I can get on with living.

  14. I suppose that sadness is just as important as happiness. I don't like thos days where I feel I'm mourning something lost and I look for my sadness. I think fall does that to us though, we mourn the hours of daylight lost, we mourn the green that slowly drops out of everything. My mother gave me a pot of Impations when we moved here and they've thrived in their sunny spot and I know soon the frost will kill them so I've taken to not watering them, I don't want them to freeze and suffer. I've not watered them yet they thrive.

  15. I can understand your feelings of sadness, The Bug, it's tragic. Such a sorrowful situation.

    Can't afford a biopsy. Under-insured because she got sick and no insurance company wants her.

    I've done everything but get down on my hands and knees to beg people to support the need for universal health care.

    It's all so sad. Your friend should be thinking about her life, the ways to save it, the value of it, what it has contained. Hopes for the future, new possibilities for a cure.

    She should not be thinking of herself, her body, her physical well being in terms of the invoice sustaining her life will generate.

    My God, it's the shame of America.

    I hope that she is soon well. I hope that she beats the whack-a-mole game. I'm so, so sorry that this is part of her life, in any respect.


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