Moving On

Dr. M & I think we’ve found the house we want to rent. We have an appointment to go inside tomorrow, but we’re pretty sure that seeing the inside won’t change our minds. It’s small (3 bedrooms, 1 bath), but has a 2 car detached garage. It’s in a nice neighborhood & is pretty centrally located between our two jobs. We’re excited!

But.

We have this melancholy just under the surface. Dr. M’s parents will most like never see the house. They might. But probably not.

And my Mom will never see the house. There have been a series of moments like this ever since she died. She’ll never see my niece cheer. She’ll never know that Dr. M finished his dissertation, graduated & got a tenure-track job. She won’t know that I changed jobs last year. She won’t know that we moved.

Or will she? There’s some debate about this. Are people really gone? Are they watching from heaven (if so, Daddy you are SO in trouble!)? I’m not sure I want my mother watching me from heaven – that’s a bit like reading my diary. But it’s comforting to think that she might be aware somehow of all of these life events. Even if she can’t rig the lottery for us.