Thursday, June 9, 2011

Not Quite Thankful Thursday


Is this what depression looks like? I am daydreaming about winning the lottery. After thinking about what charitable bequests I would make and considering the matter of trust funds for niece & nephews & other children we know, I get down to the nitty gritty. What special wonderful things do I want to have money for, for myself?

I would pay off our bills.
I would pay someone to clean my house.
I would get to sleep late.

I’m obsessed with sleeping. I want to put a pallet in a spare office at work so I can take an afternoon nap. I want to (but rarely do) go to bed at 9:00 pm every day. I never want to get up in the mornings – whether it’s 6:00 on a work day or 9:30 on the weekend. The idea that I might have enough money so that I don’t have to get out of bed is bliss.

I go through the motions of prayer (using the Anglican rosary that Dr. M gave me), but I really don’t want to have anything whatsoever to do with God. I skip church. I do the happy dance when Bible Study is canceled. I glance at God sideways and go, “shoo!”

On the other hand, I’m happy with my job and my husband. I love our little house & the things we’ve planted and the birds that make us laugh. I don’t even mind my long commute because I get to “read” a lot more books that way (currently playing: Whisper to the Blood a Kate Shugak mystery by Dana Stabenow).

I’m content, except for that business of wanting to sleep late. Perhaps my dreams are filled with the God I’m avoiding and I think that five more minutes will provide the secret to life. Hmm. I think I’ll pay closer attention when I do my rosary tonight. 

15 comments:

  1. Is it possible you're anemic?

    (Regardless of your relationship status with God.)

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  2. Sleep is a wonderful and beneficial process.

    Normally a person needs 7-8 hours of sleep. If you sleep less it's sometimes hard to function; if you sleep more, it could be depression.
    If you sleep much less or much more than the norm - it could be some real health disorder.

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  3. I find myself "numbing" out a bit too much recently too. I'm in a low level funk for some odd reason. We've had a good bit of stress lately, so I'm chalking it up to that and trying to be more present in the moment.

    You've had quite a bit of stress recently with finding out you need major surgery and now with Dr. M's mom... be easy on yourself my friend. The fact that you are cognizant of it all is good. Depression typically prevents a person from even pondering if they indeed are suffering. Just continue to be aware of the tendency to want to put the cover over your head and escape.

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  4. We all go through stages of needing more sleep at times unless you are Dick Clark. I read somewhere that he only needed about 3 hours a night. I need at least 7. I have been unusually tired lately though too. Praying with beads is very relaxing and meditative for me.

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  5. I think we all go through times like this!

    It could be some medical issue thought, might be worth an appointment...just saying!

    I love offering unsolicited advise, it's is about as much fun as receiving unsolicited advice!

    I hope your days get better. The good thing about giving God the "Shoo" treatment is that no matter what he is always faithful, always present, even when we say shoo!

    Blessings
    R

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  6. I have been sleeping so much lately and haven't even been going thru the motions with God. Maybe I should reverse those 2 things!

    Hugs & love,
    Mimi

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  7. One of the translations for the word "abide" is "rest". Jesus said, "abide in me."

    He knows where you are spiritually and what your needs are and He is sufficient to meet them. It's only our "guilt" that tells us we're not spending enough time, energy, etc. with Him.

    And He wants us to live FORGIVEN. So no guilt.

    Lean into Him It's a season and it will pass and you will look back and say, "oh, I get that now!"

    And as others have said, have your checked - which they should do in prep for your surgery anyway. Test thyroid! And if you're trying to cut back on carbs, that can also lead to afternoon sleep cravings.

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  8. Duh-uh. Sorry Have your BLOOD checked.

    Sheesh. How come it autocorrects when I'm typing too fast and make errors but never when I leave a word out?

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  9. I have permanently skipped church these days, but God loves me just the same.

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  10. I find that I'm less tired and wanting to sleep less when I exercise and eat right, cutting out sugar. Or, it could be that your just a wee bit stressed! And then again, sometimes we just need to SLEEP! :D

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  11. Thanks for the comments everyone. I really think that this is hormonal & related to extra pain meds I'm taking. Also the hip stuff & Dr. M's mom... I will be getting a pre-surgery physical next month so if I don't feel better by then I'll bring it up to my doctor.

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  12. Pain medications are depressants. That said, are you sure all of this sleep is restful? It may not be.

    Hugs.

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  13. Speaking as one in the midst of menopause, I can tell you that insomnia has been an on-going issue for several years. So it is very possible that it's hormonal... and stress definitely exacerbates it!

    As for shooing God away, we all go through dry periods occasionally. But as Robin said, He is faithful and ever present, even when we say shoo :)

    I think this time in our life when we have health issues ourselves, and we're dealing with the whole parenting-our-parent issue, we can be overwhelmed. At least I have been! I've had a harder time concentrating and my time with the Lord is often so scattered...

    One thing that helps me (and I know everyone is different so it might not work for you) is to just focus on something like the Psalms or Proverbs. I've worked out my own Psalms-in-a-month reading program. I find this restful and calming, which is just what I need at times.

    Praying for you, friend!

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  14. stress will wear you out...and hamper your relationship with the divine as well...your body may need more rest and when you are ready i am sure God will be there...

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  15. My sleep habits are horrible and lack of sleep truly can cause a lot of problems. I hope you get enough of it very soon.

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