When I’m 67

It's time for some Poetry Jam & I am the chef du jour. I was dismayed to realize after reading the prompt (that I wrote, mind you) that I didn't have any idea what I was going to do about it. Here's what I said:

...write about what you think your life will be like at age 67. If you're already there, then tell us what your life is like now. And while you're at it, write in a form you don't usually use. If you're a rhymer, don't rhyme. If you're not a rhymer, rhyme.

Well I have to say I did not find that to be a very easy prompt (sorry!). Of course, I'm not really feeling the poetry these days anyway. But I prevailed & wrote the following. I didn't feel like rhyming, so what's different about this poem is that I made the lines a lot longer than I usually do. Woo and hoo. Heh. Anyway, after you read this one please go here to read what other poets have written.

When I’m 67

There are two versions of my life –

the one I’m living and the one that I want to live.

Shifting to ease my ancient bones

I list the sins that that litter the doorway

between the two.

There is avarice and a toddler’s egotism

and the belief that now is all that will ever be –

that bread today might not be here tomorrow.

It makes me sad, to see my mean spirit

exposed this way.

Not everything needs to be swept away.

My heart is sometimes opened wide for love –

opened wide for God’s least of these (amen) –

and opened wide for justice most of all.

Opened wide.

I look down that long road with hope

that I’ve made it through that coveted doorway.

But mostly, I want a desk, a chair, a descendent of

this computer and you with that irresistible dimple

just there.

2011 Project 365 – Week Thirty-One

Birds & flowers – you’d think that’s all we have around here these days!

Sunday, July 24^th   

The weekly squirrel(s) with an entourage of birds.

Monday, July 25^th

Our double orange daylilies from Texas are blooming! Thanks for sending the bulbs Ellen – these are gorgeous!

Not that the regular old yellow ones are hard on the eyes. Heh.

Tuesday, July 26^th   

Early morning fog on my way to work.

Wednesday, July 27^th  

Lots of pictures from today. These are from Dr. M’s commute.

We haven’t had a lot of finches this year because they’re too skittish around all the other birds. We need another shepherd’s crook to put their feeder across the yard from the other feeder. I’m glad Dr. M got a couple of pictures of this one.

It’s the Tax Time Pig, looking summer cool with a giant bear and sunglasses.

The State of the Bug. This is called, “Oh-Man-I-Dropped-The-Camera-Let’s-Take-A-Picture-To-See-If-It-Still-Works!”

Thursday, July 28^th      

What-ho! Two Tax Time Pig pictures in one week? How did we get so lucky? Now, does anyone know why a monkey? Cause I don’t.

Silly woodpecker working very hard to get something from that seed cake.

We’re loving the lilies, in all their stages.

Friday, July 29^th

One lone flash of red in a sea of sparrow…

Saturday, July 30^th

Not-so-Still Life in Cement Pond. Makes me laugh out loud – every time.

Leaving you with another lily picture. Sigh.

Go to Sara’s blog here to see the blogs of all the other Project 365 participants. Have a great week!

Thankful Thursday

I’m feeling upbeat today. There’s nothing like personally handling your own pee to give you perspective. Any day I don’t have to do that is a good day. Although, frankly, it wasn’t really all that bad. So, what else am I thankful for?

• My ultrasound went quite smoothly yesterday. I wasn’t even desperate or anything. In fact I’ve been much worse off on many a car trip. And they had free Wi-Fi so I was able to check my email during the five minutes they kept me waiting.

• I will be so surprised if these tests turn up anything negative. I just don’t feel like anything is wrong with my kidneys.

• I got a picture of the Tax Time Pig yesterday and today he has on a new outfit. It’s like double bonus Tax Time Pig week or something.

• I have a new goal of memorizing my own cell phone number. I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress because I’ve got the area code down pat.

• I’m wearing my cute teal Tom’s shoes today. Makes me smile when I look at my feet.

OK, now it’s your turn – what are you thankful for today?

The Post Where I Talk About My Own Pee

It’s Wednesday & I feel like there should be something in this space. So I’m going to enthrall you with my medical issues. You should probably stop reading this right now & save it for some night when you can’t get to sleep.

Because of my doctor’s concerns with my recent blood tests I had to provide a 24 hour urine sample to the lab this morning. Do you know what that is? I didn’t. Now I know that it’s a plot to make you become very familiar with your own output. I suppose mothers might not be fazed, but it was a duty that I bore quite grimly. Toting my little jug to the bathroom at work yesterday, storing the contents in the refrigerator, doing the same routine at home & during my two nocturnal bathroom visits – I do NOT want to have to do that again.

I’ve always maintained that I have to go to the bathroom so often because my bladder is the size of a pea (heh), but based on how heavy that jug was this morning I must just produce a lot.

Today, I have the pleasure of drinking 20 oz of water between 11:00 and 12:00 & then going for an ultrasound at 1:00. And not going to the bathroom during that time. I don’t know how long the ultrasound takes, but that’s going to be a long two hours for me.

Aren’t you glad you came to my blog today to hear about my bathroom habits?

P.S. My name is The Bug and I have been Ibuprofen free for three days (except for a brief relapse on Monday).

Monday Miscellany

Monday Monday, can't trust that day… You just never know what a Monday is going to look like until you’re in the middle of it. And since I’m writing this on Sunday night it’s a bit of a mystery right now. We’ll see how it goes. For now, let’s talk miscellany.

·         Upon the advice of a few people I went without ibuprofen today. I just took vicodin. Being a drama queen I didn’t go to church just in case I was too pitiful. But really it wasn’t that bad. I wouldn’t want to have to walk too far, but I think I could have occupied a pew. 

·         This week I’ll have some testing done to explain a few unexpected results on my blood test – checking out my kidneys. Of course I ran straight to the internet for a diagnosis & decided that my prolonged use of ibuprofen has caused me to have Stage 1 kidney disease. [Note prior mention of “drama queen.”] Of course I’ll keep you guys posted.

·         We had dinner last night with one of Dr. M’s colleagues & his wife. They have a beautiful home – a farm about an hour and a half north of us. We had a great time – talked about everything under the sun. I spent a little bit of time being obsessed with their stereogram collection – even if I was a little bit cross-eyed at the end. Go here to read about stereograms. (Hint – it’s the 1800s version of Magic Eye.)

·         I’m in the middle of reading Still Life with Crows by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child. It’s the fourth book in the Special Agent Pendergast series, about a serial killer in a small Kansas town. It’s pretty graphic (think: the surgery channel), but I’m just fascinated by the way Pendergast’s mind works.

OK, I’m hijacking my own post to include a couple of Wordzzles. I was supposed to post them yesterday, but I ended up posting my P365 late so I decided to just sneak them in here. In case you’re wondering, a Wordzzle is a story using the words that Raven at Views from Raven’s Nest gives us each week. After you’ve read mine you should check hers out here.

Words for the mini: fingers, flashlight, fanciful, daughter, music

As soon as the music started, the flashlight slipped through Alex’s fingers. This was not unusual – she was easily startled and dropped things all the time. But the music was unexpected. “Love Me Do” blasted from a supposedly empty house in the middle of the night.  What in the world was going on here? Impromptu Beatles fan club meeting? Ooh – maybe it was a Beatles ghost fan club! Now that was the kind of fanciful thing her mother would dream up. Like mother, like daughter. Then Alex looked down at her feet in suspicion. Yep, it was a Beatle’s welcome mat. She’d stood on it so long that it was segueing into “Hard Day’s Night.” She had a feeling that her brother had sent her to his house on an “urgent” errand just to play this little joke. Ah well, she could probably come up with some sort of wicked payback, just as soon as she got the silly mat to shut up.

Words for the 10-word challenge: Sunday, think the rain'll hurt the rhubarb?, sleeveless shirt, house for sale, out and about, spark, Oh, to be in England, angry, forgetfulness, in-coming

“Incoming!” Mark was bellowing again. Sheila decided then & there to put a “House for Sale” sign in the front yard. She was tired of all the golf balls littering her yard every Saturday and Sunday. For some reason those were the days that the worst duffers were out and about.

She was mostly kidding. She would hate to leave her garden. Or, rather, Mark’s garden. She asked him, “do you think the rain’ll hurt the rhubarb? I’m looking forward to putting up some strawberry-rhubarb preserves.” Mark looked up, an unaccustomed spark in his eyes. Why, he was angry! He was never angry. His sleeveless shirt was drenched with sweat. “Sheila,” he said, “I am losing patience with your forgetfulness! We decided to not plant rhubarb this year, remember? You wanted zucchini instead.”

Mortified and confused, Sheila just looked at him for a few minutes. She hadn’t remembered. There seemed to a great deal of forgetting these days. Sighing, she started reciting “Oh, to be in England” which she had memorized as a child, finding comfort in one thing remembered. She didn’t notice Mark’s look of sadness as she turned away.

2011 Project 365 – Week Thirty

My goodness what a hot week! And yet through some fluke that no one can figure out, my boss’s office is 68 degrees. When he opens the door into my area it’s nice for a minute & then it’s Ice Cube Toes Time.

This week features the return of the weekly squirrel, and our star attractions, the suet feeder and cement pond.

Sunday, July 17^th   

Why here’s the weekly squirrel now! ON the suet feeder. Silly boy.

Pool party!

More visitors to the suet feeder.

Monday, July 18^th

I had my first pre-op visit to the hospital. I toured my room (it’s huge! Anyone want to come for a party on Tuesday the 9^th?), gave more blood & talked about all the stuff I have to remember to do.

I would dearly love to have a clothesline, but with all the bird activity in our back yard that seems to be not a good idea. Sometimes I compromise – the swing is far enough away from the feeders that it feels somewhat safe.

After I took the towel picture I toured the yard.

Tuesday, July 19^th   

Here is the State of the Bug. Sitting in my car at work thawing out those Ice Cube Toes.

Apparently we have to have a weekly lily picture too.

Zucchini!

Our friend C gave us this bowl that she made in pottery class. I thought it was the perfect place to put my last apple.

Our cypress vines have finally started blooming. They’re a lot later this year than last year. I’ve been waiting impatiently because we don’t have a hummingbird feeder – this is how we get the little buggers to come into our yard.

Wednesday, July 20^th  

For some reason the license plate on this Mercedes offended me. I have a real problem with a theology that indicates that if you’re poor you’re not being faithful to God. I’m pretty sure that’s not what Jesus was all about. Of course, this could just be sour grapes on my part because I don’t know a thing about the person driving the car. I just made up a whole story about them based on their license plate! And of course I don't want to imply that if you're successful you're not a good Christian. I'm shutting up now :)

Thursday, July 21^st      

This is a popular vacation destination in our neck of the woods. Filled up twice a day (or more) this week by Dr. M and his faithful sidekick The Bug. Well, I filled it up once. I don't know why I find the cowbird to be so lovely - that sleek brown head just draws me in.

Friday, July 22^nd

This was supposed to be the Tax Time Pig, but someone was coming up behind me so I just stuck the camera out of the window & clicked. Unsuccessfully as you can see. So just imagine a concrete pig with a ginormous Winnie-the-Pooh on its back.

Dr. M was more successful getting pictures of the suet feeder – this is the guy we were trying to attract with the food.

And here's a pompous cardinal. I don't know why, but I just think that they look like they think they're better than everyone else. And why not? Pretty bird!

Saturday, July 23^rd

We might wish for a woodpecker, but these guys are vastly entertaining – the feeder just goes around and around while they take off & land on it. I wonder how they don’t get seasick!

I think our Texas lilies are going to bloom pretty soon!

Go to Sara’s blog here to see the blogs of all the other Project 365 participants. Have a great week!

Apple Jam

This week's Poetry Jam theme (by Butler & Bagman) is TEMPTATION. Because my muse & I are on a break, I'm recycling a poem from last September. Enjoy! And then go read other poems about temptation here.

Absently I take a bite.

I’m not really

Paying attention

Not really tasting

That tart enticement

In just such an

Offhand way

I lose my innocence

-------------

[Note: for those who read yesterday's post, my doctor was not concerned about my cholesterol. She was concerned that some of the results of the blood test point to kidney problems & has ordered more tests. Perhaps my ibuprofen habit is coming back to haunt me. We'll see!]

Thankful Thursday

I am just not feeling very thankful today.

Dr. M’s uncle Lee (his father’s brother) died this week, and we can’t be there to support the family.

My doctor’s office wanted me to schedule a follow-up appointment regarding the blood work they did last week. Fortunately I’m going today so I don’t have to fret all weekend. It’s probably my cholesterol. Damn cookies. Heh.

Periodically I have bouts of feeling extremely incompetent. This is one of those times. I know that it’s an illusion, because if I look at everything logically I’m no more incompetent than usual (which actually means that I’m fairly competent). But logic is just not on my agenda right this minute. Next week will be better.

I was a shoplifter yesterday & didn’t know it. I purchased some items at Staples (I know you’re dying to know: ink cartridges, wrist rests for my keyboard & mouse, and a new lap desk for my mini laptop). When I got home & looked at the receipt I realized that the lap desk wasn’t on there. The cashier didn’t ring it up. Oops. So now I have to deal with that. I briefly entertained the notion of pretending that I didn’t catch the error, but I’m such a darn goody two shoes. Sigh.

Well, I feel a little better having written all this down. So I reckon I’m thankful for that! What are you guys thankful for today?

Why I Ate Cookies Yesterday (or, I am an Amateur Psychologist)

So I’m on the 3rd floor at work getting some young gun to sign a document. It’s a quick sort of pause & flee maneuver – I don’t linger, although he has a bowl of fun size Snicker bars on his credenza. I think, “Wow, the perfect use for a credenza!”

As I head back down the hallway I ponder the total lack of sexual tension in the encounter. Not saying that I wanted any – even if I weren’t about 20 years older than this guy he is not my type. For one thing, he’s probably a republican! But back in the day, regardless of whether or not either one of us was interested, there would have been at least a smidge of tension there.

Probably my weight (and the fact that I walk with a limp these days) is off putting. But I realize that I just don’t care anymore & I know that I broadcast my disinterest in tones too loud to be ignored. When I was younger and cuter (come on, don’t be all nice – you know I was cuter back then!) I practically vibrated with the desire to be noticed. And I think that I probably was noticed somewhat. I enjoyed all that byplay & double entendre & your place or mine (I just added that last part to make it interesting).

But now? Don’t even go there buster! I’m happy with my marriage. I don’t want drama. And frankly, I just can’t muster the energy to pretend to flirt. I’m pretty sure I should be sad that I don’t care about sex appeal anymore. But meh.

All these fleeting thoughts get me as far as the elevator when I have an aha! moment: This is probably why I’m overweight! Isn’t life so much simpler if people don’t really look at you? What’s sad about that little bit of insight is that I never really did have to beat people off during those supposed halcyon days. But apparently I subconsciously believe that if I get too cute I’ll be propositioned all the time.

You know it’s not just the weight – it’s the attitude – the one with the disinterested broadcast. The weight is a symptom of the attitude.

And now I’m exiting the elevator on the ground floor considering this revelation. What do I think about it? It's a lot to process.

I go into the café next door to get some cookies to help me think better. That's called irony folks.

Back in the cute & complicated days...